that same old mode is back again...
it feels strange to feel it, knocking at your conscience, knowing that all that you felt is utter nonsensical to a limit that you dont fathom as well.

as far as it is known, i dont welcome it.
it may be insecurities playing out on me
to be plainfully honest, i just am reluctant to be involved in any way possible.

speaking of which, even the little of little or minor of minor-est,
i am unwilling. not even crushes.
what's normal, is abnormal to me.

hate to admit that it's a tendancy that i, as a female do unconsciously fall in.
i think it is just lousy excuses one comes up with to 'fall-in-the-game-of-love'.
like i told myself or rather to emotions,
"Spare me pains of Joy"
Ironic? yeah, that's the painful truth.
i am so not interested in the game anymore.
happy as i am in the present state, free-willed in spirit and person.
not tied down with ridiculous sacrifices.

one may boo me at the lack of "Love" in my life.
i guess the love of my life is just different and it requires me to just enjoy and soak in his love.
it's just tons better than seeing selfishness at play, most of the time.

i dont know what to expect but just scared.
scared that i foolishly gave my heart away and empty-handed i return.
been tons of time foolishly and hopelessly wishing the impossible.
HAHAHAHAHAHA

never.never.never.







why of all times, all things have to remind me of you?
go away, disappear if you must.
i dont need you to tell me what i must hear.
im not reminiscing the past, yet it seeps into my head.
everything about you, the things you said, the things we did.
why? just why? why did i even be involved, in the whole game itself?
a question i've asked myself, tons of times.
each time in vain, i never have the answer.
friends we WERE, i cant say much now.
im such a badie, a really ARSE in your eyes.
to much to little, was the reason why everything crumbled.
we never started out well,
our friendship was tainted cause i fell for you.
it only happened cause it seemed reciprocated.
you can deceive yourself but you cant do that to me.
why must you hurt me so bad?
i maybe an over-reactor to such things but you cant blame me.
im created as such.
that's the painful truth.
i dont know why i still think of you from time to time.
cause alot of things that happened, i cant forget you.
even our friendship, i dont really think i can ever let go.
so much has been invested in it and this is how i get.
whatever you're going through now, i've been through it similarly.
it is just i never wanted you to worry.
now that im doing my bit, im being chided.
sigh. what has happened?
God knows.
seriously i give up.
giving you up totally.
each time i think of you, tears well up in my eyes.
it was never meant to be this way.
it hurts, really.
you will never know how much hurt you have gave me.

hey guys, i've decided not to blog here for sometime cause of my faulty tagboard and the desire to revamp the entire blog since its first beginnings. i acknowledge the lack of posts for my friends who uses this to know of my updates. rest assured, im well. :)

till then, take care. myhopeisu.blogspot.com will be back really soon. !!

Love, Prisc