listening to---- turn around by Collective Soul

been in a really terrible mood these days.i am really angry with a friend of mine.Honestly i dont noe wat wrong have i done to him to actually have to bear with all the cold shoulder he's giving me.besides i aint going to care.

how can he do tat? he's such an ass!i really dont noe wat's in his mind. wat a fren.sheesh.

am slacking like nobody's business these days but then i've met some frens frm madadescagar...(opps i dont noe the spelling)..they r so sincere n cool...hehe tat's wat i call real frens!
hmm...had a really nice time tis hols...

oh ya..i took a pic with vinc on the last day of 2003...hehe..tat's really sweet..i mean..i wasnt as sensitive or rather acting strange with the guy i liked.i counter that feeling..! yay!haha..we're supposed to head down to Chuns place for countdown but den i didnt go..i rem he went but was surprised tat he was home n i spent my first few hours of new year talking to him...awwww...its juz so sweet u see....haha... during the renewal camp..we had a really close encounter..i fell down n was bleeding..he slept like a pig but got woken up cuz he's the camp medic...he took all the supplies out n was going to help me...he was so tired den...poor thing..but at the moment..we're so close...juz side-by-side...i wished tat time stopped at tat moment...i was feeling so blissful at that moment...he was abt to help me when i took it frm him..seeing him so tired..i applied it myself...he even waited for me to finish cleaning my wound before going back to sleep...boy tinking of it...i feel bad being angry with him abt the first-aid kid...how foolish i am...sigh...such a nice guy...tat's the most memorable time of the camp...hehe

i only pray tat our friendship will b fine...unlike me n tat ass...hmph!!i doubt him alot!!

Listening to: REM---losing my religion

argh!what an awful song!stupid i cant even skip it.sigh. its been an ok day for me but i'm getting emo again. i'm not going to blame anyone except myself.but den wat am i supposed to do now?the picz of the BBQ is gone now.i cant even send any picz to my classmates.sigh. at least there is the hardcopy area.boy am i glad!

its like friday now.am jobless too.getting boring staying home but i liked it alot.juz tat i dont really haf the space to do wat i like most. read! haha.i wud spent like hours on a book n sit there n read. tat's my habit since young. any books with nice picz n all attacts me the most! sigh. its a luxury to be able to sit there n read ur book. haf a few books on hand. waiting for the time to enjoy them! sigh. but i wonder how long will i haf to wait.

tinking back on my week.its been pretty pleasant except tat i'm more emo than ever.aint sure why is tat so but haha.i'm sure tis year is gonna b great!ya.

hmm.heard tat he's crazy abt her.i cant being sad n happy at the same time.he even read the book i started reading thrice.wat's the meaning to it? he's too bored or is it he's trying to find meaning to watever he's doing is rite?hmm.but i really wonder when she's going to accept him? i'm in no position to comment on anything . i only hope tat he can b happy with watever he's doing. sigh. i wan to break away frm having feelings of any sort. its only making me miserable. so miserable. sometimes my sis tease me by calling his name at my face. i didnt feel anything then. honest. but den i thought whether am i really ok abt it? yes. i am. not point clinging on to things or rather hopes. like dan had said. not point clinging on to sometimes tat isnt meant to be mine. yup. for once. i did tat. mayb alot of times i tried. i didnt manage to wake up then. i only noe i'm a laughing stock for having a attempt to feel something for someone like him.yup. haha i'm glad its over for now.

*_' hehe..today heard a really cute song. n there's tis part goes.. " i just cant smile without you!"

chilling out with : East West-----Seven
Lifehouse------Somebody else's song
Switchfoot-----More than fine

so filling. had a good dinner earlier.heh. hmm tis day wasnt as bad. it was good in fact. enjoyed my day. did lots of chores today. was starting to like wat i did until my bro nagged n said. go find a job. i was like Duh! who says i liked staying home? i rather go work. but i decided to look for it after new year since now my mum needs my help in maintaing the household chores.hee!

felt so much better today. in high spirits today. tinking back was wondering wat made me so down. ha. i'm glad its over for now. honestly i cant wait for sch to start. its getting really bored staying home( alt i can do lots of stuff i wanna). clear my room today. looks so comfty! hope my sis can get back to her own room. wat a drag. sleeps with me in my room on the floor. mum nags but she dint seem to care. i hope she better wake up sooner! if not she'll get in lots of trouble.

all in all. its been a really good day! i juz hope i can b cheerful :)
whee.man lots of pple's birthday r juz round the corner! -_-! sigh. i'm broke for now. sigh.anyway there's new year to look forward too. haha.

hmm.i juz hope tat everyone can b happy juz like me!

listening to : 7th day slumber --- Running away
Lifehouse-----------Only One
Coldplay------------The Scientist

wat a day it has been. finished my chores earlier and glued myself to the tv set. all sorts of emotions juz came in then. as i recalled the whole nite. alot of stuffs just happened to me. just didnt feel good at all. lots of stuffs revealed to me in bundles and it came all together in a package just didnt know how to react to it. like for instance someone came up to me n spilled her innermost self to me. i'm speechless at it. wat's more than tat was finding out more stuffs abt my bro. tat killed me so much. i really wonder wat's in his mind tis days. can someone tell me? disappointed tears flowed down my cheek as i talked to dan. he didnt noe wat to say to me either but i noe inside me. i scared pple ard me. i msg vinc last nite. felt really down n out. tinking abt my family's spiritual condition i juz didnt noe wat to do. since dan said he's gonna sleep so i msg vinc. juz needed someone to talk to. he was indeed shocked i guess frm the replies he sent back. felt bad making him shock. he talked sense to me which is his usual way. i noe i was disappointed half-way cuz sensing the same reply he gave i switch-off my fone. i prayed n i felt at peace then. cuz he said something. always pray when u haf probs.

after i switch on my fone. he replied. tat shocked me. i tot he's the type tat tries to end conversations fast. hmm tat really made me looked at him differently. guess he does care for his frens alot. i did my quiet time aft tat i made some self-reflection. indeed there's things tat i wun noe unless i seek Him. at tat moment i felt i need God more den anything else. tat soliltudary at the moment was juz exellent i was beginning to like it. wat else i cudnt get to sleep either. somehow i got in touch with my innerself. for once i felt tat my innerself is being released frm all sorts of emotions n juz the plain me surface. how i wish tis can happen more often.

one thing i sure noe for sure now. frens r really important to me. i wun wan to risk anything to lose frens tat r valuable. never. i got to have more faith n also i wan to grow in His words. never will i forsake God again. never.

one thing. i decided to forget everything abt vinc. all the feelings etc. it shldnt haf been there in the first place if i hadnt given in to temptation. hmm he touched me . my innermost self. my heart was juz so comforted tat i had found a fren tat is able to listen to me. really thank God for it. mayb i've matured alittle over the year n definitely i'm waiting for the One till the day he comes into my life. :)

its been an eventful year in 2003. been thru ups n downs. managed to stand up tall n strong. re-sat my Os. Had a restored faith in Him which is wat i wanted so much when i backslided years back. its been painful struggling on my own n being directionless in my life. had lots of suicide thots but i managed to overcome it.

somehow 2004 isnt as smoothsailing as yet. now i'm actually back on square ONE. decided not to be pple-conscious but in the end i did something which i dont wan to do anymore. asking pple whether i'm irritating. tat's the ultimate for me. now i'm pierced in my heart cuz i've deceived myself again. at the empower u motivational seminar. had tis board-breaking session n i broke the board. the board had all my bad stuff written on it n one of it was being pple-conscious n being tied down by emotions again. yet i've let myself down. ok mayb i been tinking too much according to some pple. i agree. its better i keep myself occupied with good thoughts not bad ones. besides it's juz the start rite?

silin's back. so glad. had a fun 31st with her n also last sunday. went for movie together. haha a small talk with my cous on my way back. he asks how's things with vinc. i didnt noe why he asked but i said nothing much juz frens. he den asked u sure u ok abt it? i said yea. there's nothing in the first place. honestly i'm really ok abt everything only juz the occasional erm hiccups of weird feelins when i tink too much. Ha. i tink one of my new year's resolutions is not to be pple-conscious n be tied down by my emotions!

ya. going to change tat part of me. also to harden my heart. its the best against feeling for anyone. meanwhile i'm keeping things low-lying. dont wan to spurn a big mess.