although these weeks have been trying, the key to my enjoyment in Life ( be it studies, school and everything else) : Jesus.
It's comforting to know, whatever happens Daddy God is always there and He resides in our hearts. One of my cg brothers Daryl was sharing with me yesterday and he reminded me that for us, the beloved prince and princess of Christ are blessed wherever we are, be it anywhere. What more, people around us will be impacted because of what Christ is like in our lives. I suppose that is what I can do to overcome that annoying pest in class, just let God deal with it.
Each day, new revelations are unfolding in front of my eyes and its just cool beyond words. How bad things may be, I know that the good that is promised by God will be given.
School's been great I suppose, the lectures and tutorials are getting more and more interesting. The degree somewhat may lead me to question things abt my faith but nonetheless, the Truth in His Word. There my strength and wisdom lies. Nothing will bring me down cause I've the maker of the Universe as my Father! hahhaas.
This Song just touches me each time I listen to it. The words jumps out at me and remembering the issues that Ps Prince shared. Daddy God is really so so so good. Reminds me of a song I used to sing in primary school " God, You're So Good" . Man, my walk with God is simply nostagic. Many times. Nostagic because the revelation of His Love for me is seen in another dimension. Now I understand what it means the personal relationship or walk with Him. And the level of intimacy He knows each of our every need and most of all, He knows you inside out. How's that? Cool right? hahahs. The Song!!
Deeper
by Hillsong United
album: Look To You (2005)
Light to men
Love of God
Healing for the wounded heart
Like a child quiet my soul
Hear Your voice surround me Lord
Jesus, hold me into Your heart
Into Your heart
Lord my soul delights
And I know You hear my prayer
Take me deeper Lord
Glorious Son to You I shall bow
Bow my knee, bow my will
Cherished by the strong and the weak
Humble hearts shall hear You speak
And by Your love Lord You opened my heart
Now Your light will shine always
By Your Word Lord Your promise secure
And my soul will live always
Take me deeper Lord
It's comforting to know, whatever happens Daddy God is always there and He resides in our hearts. One of my cg brothers Daryl was sharing with me yesterday and he reminded me that for us, the beloved prince and princess of Christ are blessed wherever we are, be it anywhere. What more, people around us will be impacted because of what Christ is like in our lives. I suppose that is what I can do to overcome that annoying pest in class, just let God deal with it.
Each day, new revelations are unfolding in front of my eyes and its just cool beyond words. How bad things may be, I know that the good that is promised by God will be given.
School's been great I suppose, the lectures and tutorials are getting more and more interesting. The degree somewhat may lead me to question things abt my faith but nonetheless, the Truth in His Word. There my strength and wisdom lies. Nothing will bring me down cause I've the maker of the Universe as my Father! hahhaas.
This Song just touches me each time I listen to it. The words jumps out at me and remembering the issues that Ps Prince shared. Daddy God is really so so so good. Reminds me of a song I used to sing in primary school " God, You're So Good" . Man, my walk with God is simply nostagic. Many times. Nostagic because the revelation of His Love for me is seen in another dimension. Now I understand what it means the personal relationship or walk with Him. And the level of intimacy He knows each of our every need and most of all, He knows you inside out. How's that? Cool right? hahahs. The Song!!
Deeper
by Hillsong United
album: Look To You (2005)
Light to men
Love of God
Healing for the wounded heart
Like a child quiet my soul
Hear Your voice surround me Lord
Jesus, hold me into Your heart
Into Your heart
Lord my soul delights
And I know You hear my prayer
Take me deeper Lord
Glorious Son to You I shall bow
Bow my knee, bow my will
Cherished by the strong and the weak
Humble hearts shall hear You speak
And by Your love Lord You opened my heart
Now Your light will shine always
By Your Word Lord Your promise secure
And my soul will live always
Take me deeper Lord
Priscilla rejoices in this foolishness. 6:15 PM
friday's cg mark another milestone in my walk and a new start for my restoration that has had already started.
well it really took alot of courage and the knowledge of Daddy God's love to really move me to take the bold step of faith to attend cg without yp. i seriously know how much i'm relying on her and everything else, yet i know this fellowship was really meant for me, somewhat i felt. The topic that gibs addressed and the whole entire session just moved and stirred loads of memories and thoughts in my mind. i had alot of flashbacks just sitting at one corner. when pam and clara played the guitars, images were playing in my mind, it was the time i played guitar for GB and also for chapel during upper sec years in GM. it just meant so much because i remember whenever i felt down and out, i will always have my guitar on hand and just play pieces as the spirit flows. it was just refreshing playing and worshipping God during those vulnerable moments. but all these came to nothingness as i entered ministry in my previous church, i felt it was a chore to play for service and not only that, i did receive promptings that maybe this is not my area of service. in fact, i felt i may have entered ministry for the wrong reasons but surely i knew i was really passionate about using my talents to serve Him yet i failed terribly. it might be triggered by the whole idea of acceptance. looking back, im thankful whatever happened then, it was something that i learnt. To be conscious of God and what the spirit prompts about. the idea of loneliness did speak to me because i was a victim of it ( maybe at times) then again, depression and suicide - im glad that i didnt had the guts to do whatever self-mutiltation or whatever shit it was and thank god for friends who love me to talk me out of it. my suicidal tendencies a couple of years back was really bad and the root of it, condemnation and stress. im glad those days are over, i was literally nothing, i was just a piece of flesh which is contamintated and all that. i felt God was really far away and all that. now that im in Christ, treasured and loved, nothing shall bar me from getting all the blessings and grace that has been given by Him. all these qualified me for greater blessings ( i wished i knew these earlier, but it isnt late at all cause i've gotten the revelation!!!!hahhaas) just felt pretty nostagic the entire week. truely i missed those days, playing for chapel and GB. it was the very first places that i wanted Christ to be made know and i wanted people to be influenced by how beautiful this friend of mine is ( He is and always will be - amen)
it was a lovely session for me personally. God and I were having a great time, remisincing the past together. from the worship to the sharings and the message itself, truely God has been with me through it all. i mean it, literally everything. these few years ( since i moved out of my old place till now) i battled all sorts of trials and temptations especially depression yet Daddy God scoop me from my feet and just carried me all these while. its so so so lovely. it just makes me feel so loved by you.
on the side note, im really sure of something now. its definitely not him. the spirit in me just confirms this fact. the feeling didnt last or rather, it was just all fluff and confusion. it actually faded before i even know. although he sat beside me during cg, i felt nothing ( probably God's presence that took my attention away - ok that is confirmed hahhas.) and i just ended up with more conclusions that he aint the one i should give my that attention too. somehow what was even interesting was the other stuffs that gibs shared and discussed about - he told the girls to guard your heart- sounds like something i've been trying to do for a long time. i realised that when i choose not to care and place this at the feet of Jesus, everything just flows and it wasnt hard cause there are other things more attractive than the guy now. well, the time and season. when it comes, it comes and then, i will entertain such thoughts or whatever things.
i really enjoyed myself. like seriously.
yp missed out on a really good session of cg.
lol.
sigh. when will i ever be spared of curfews?
its cause imma girl. i understand where daddy'c concern come from but its just exaggerating! im old enough. does that mean that i must have 'a companion' from cg then, im allowed to stay out late? sheesh. now im not making any sense.
hahhahas!
drowning in delirium. XD
well it really took alot of courage and the knowledge of Daddy God's love to really move me to take the bold step of faith to attend cg without yp. i seriously know how much i'm relying on her and everything else, yet i know this fellowship was really meant for me, somewhat i felt. The topic that gibs addressed and the whole entire session just moved and stirred loads of memories and thoughts in my mind. i had alot of flashbacks just sitting at one corner. when pam and clara played the guitars, images were playing in my mind, it was the time i played guitar for GB and also for chapel during upper sec years in GM. it just meant so much because i remember whenever i felt down and out, i will always have my guitar on hand and just play pieces as the spirit flows. it was just refreshing playing and worshipping God during those vulnerable moments. but all these came to nothingness as i entered ministry in my previous church, i felt it was a chore to play for service and not only that, i did receive promptings that maybe this is not my area of service. in fact, i felt i may have entered ministry for the wrong reasons but surely i knew i was really passionate about using my talents to serve Him yet i failed terribly. it might be triggered by the whole idea of acceptance. looking back, im thankful whatever happened then, it was something that i learnt. To be conscious of God and what the spirit prompts about. the idea of loneliness did speak to me because i was a victim of it ( maybe at times) then again, depression and suicide - im glad that i didnt had the guts to do whatever self-mutiltation or whatever shit it was and thank god for friends who love me to talk me out of it. my suicidal tendencies a couple of years back was really bad and the root of it, condemnation and stress. im glad those days are over, i was literally nothing, i was just a piece of flesh which is contamintated and all that. i felt God was really far away and all that. now that im in Christ, treasured and loved, nothing shall bar me from getting all the blessings and grace that has been given by Him. all these qualified me for greater blessings ( i wished i knew these earlier, but it isnt late at all cause i've gotten the revelation!!!!hahhaas) just felt pretty nostagic the entire week. truely i missed those days, playing for chapel and GB. it was the very first places that i wanted Christ to be made know and i wanted people to be influenced by how beautiful this friend of mine is ( He is and always will be - amen)
it was a lovely session for me personally. God and I were having a great time, remisincing the past together. from the worship to the sharings and the message itself, truely God has been with me through it all. i mean it, literally everything. these few years ( since i moved out of my old place till now) i battled all sorts of trials and temptations especially depression yet Daddy God scoop me from my feet and just carried me all these while. its so so so lovely. it just makes me feel so loved by you.
on the side note, im really sure of something now. its definitely not him. the spirit in me just confirms this fact. the feeling didnt last or rather, it was just all fluff and confusion. it actually faded before i even know. although he sat beside me during cg, i felt nothing ( probably God's presence that took my attention away - ok that is confirmed hahhas.) and i just ended up with more conclusions that he aint the one i should give my that attention too. somehow what was even interesting was the other stuffs that gibs shared and discussed about - he told the girls to guard your heart- sounds like something i've been trying to do for a long time. i realised that when i choose not to care and place this at the feet of Jesus, everything just flows and it wasnt hard cause there are other things more attractive than the guy now. well, the time and season. when it comes, it comes and then, i will entertain such thoughts or whatever things.
i really enjoyed myself. like seriously.
yp missed out on a really good session of cg.
lol.
sigh. when will i ever be spared of curfews?
its cause imma girl. i understand where daddy'c concern come from but its just exaggerating! im old enough. does that mean that i must have 'a companion' from cg then, im allowed to stay out late? sheesh. now im not making any sense.
hahhahas!
drowning in delirium. XD
Priscilla rejoices in this foolishness. 12:58 AM
as much as i really dont want to think or talk about it, it just hits me in my face.
spare me from all sorts of unwanted attention.
it just makes me question you - what's so **** about you.
it may be a good thing that this is happening, yet my heart wants it otherwise.
what should i really be doing?
i know i seriously cant handle at all.
maybe i should just sleep over it and it will all be better tomorrow.
i hope so.
as much as i yearn for things to happen, i dont want anything to happen.
time and season?
just let through me this 'agony' without much thoughts.
no regrets. no nothing.
just me and my walk with God - something that i concern myself more with.
is it really okay to anticipate good?
is it okay to hope for the impossible?
is it too much of me to ask?
rain the truths down on me.
whether it burns or kills - i need to know.
rather then wasting time on you.
you - source of my roller-coaster ride.
i didnt want any of it. yet im sucked into this whirlpool.
deception maybe the scapegoat.
the greater evil?
HAHAHA.
me.
the multiple sides of me, fooling me.
p.s. just need to get all the stuffs outta my mind out, hence the really queer phrasing and sentence structure.
- learnt about Blake's conventions in poetry during lecture yesterday = it was mentally draining. =X
spare me from all sorts of unwanted attention.
it just makes me question you - what's so **** about you.
it may be a good thing that this is happening, yet my heart wants it otherwise.
what should i really be doing?
i know i seriously cant handle at all.
maybe i should just sleep over it and it will all be better tomorrow.
i hope so.
as much as i yearn for things to happen, i dont want anything to happen.
time and season?
just let through me this 'agony' without much thoughts.
no regrets. no nothing.
just me and my walk with God - something that i concern myself more with.
is it really okay to anticipate good?
is it okay to hope for the impossible?
is it too much of me to ask?
rain the truths down on me.
whether it burns or kills - i need to know.
rather then wasting time on you.
you - source of my roller-coaster ride.
i didnt want any of it. yet im sucked into this whirlpool.
deception maybe the scapegoat.
the greater evil?
HAHAHA.
me.
the multiple sides of me, fooling me.
p.s. just need to get all the stuffs outta my mind out, hence the really queer phrasing and sentence structure.
- learnt about Blake's conventions in poetry during lecture yesterday = it was mentally draining. =X
Priscilla rejoices in this foolishness. 12:39 AM
tell me something - my toes twinkle at the mention of your name?
hehe.
sounds really queer.
astonished at such a reaction.
not that i welcome the idea
however it is scary.
made up my mind about the issue though.
the closure has been made sometime back, its just that im lazy to blog bout it.
it was somewhat something i anticipated ( rather more like my best friend who actually saw through me ) and questioned.
then the truth finally saw light.
hahahas.
i am glad that it is all over now.
i can finally breathe easy around that person.
speaking of which, i havent seen in weeks.
i suppose, that has taken effect.
when it comes, it comes.
when it doesnt, i shant entertain.
but i wanted you to know : I can see the love in you.
"acceleration seems to be the word.
the steps seemed to have skipped to new levels.
yes. i welcome it yet i dont.
hesitation my song.
comfort is something nice
to know that someone cares
do they sincerely do it?
dont want to doubt
dont want to even bother
prepare my dear old friend
for more pumping days ahead
as you are the one who controls me
emotions, sweet joy, peaceful quiet
dont ever fail me. dont. "
hehe.
sounds really queer.
astonished at such a reaction.
not that i welcome the idea
however it is scary.
made up my mind about the issue though.
the closure has been made sometime back, its just that im lazy to blog bout it.
it was somewhat something i anticipated ( rather more like my best friend who actually saw through me ) and questioned.
then the truth finally saw light.
hahahas.
i am glad that it is all over now.
i can finally breathe easy around that person.
speaking of which, i havent seen in weeks.
i suppose, that has taken effect.
when it comes, it comes.
when it doesnt, i shant entertain.
but i wanted you to know : I can see the love in you.
"acceleration seems to be the word.
the steps seemed to have skipped to new levels.
yes. i welcome it yet i dont.
hesitation my song.
comfort is something nice
to know that someone cares
do they sincerely do it?
dont want to doubt
dont want to even bother
prepare my dear old friend
for more pumping days ahead
as you are the one who controls me
emotions, sweet joy, peaceful quiet
dont ever fail me. dont. "
Priscilla rejoices in this foolishness. 8:18 PM
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