-feeling blissful that the moment.......

today's been great! *=) had a short shopping spree with my mummy and well although i paid for the clothes but hey! its sales! the clothes are like really cheap. cant resist tat. besides i really need some new clothes. praying that God will give me a pair of jeans!! been hunting for one earlier but sigh.

on the contrary.feeling blissful started when i woke up and went back to sleep earlier in the morning. its maybe due to the factor i dreamt of him. hee. i cant remember the details on what was going on in the dream but it was all sweet i suppose. yeah. from then. been feeling so sweet the whole day. at least it was better than the nightmare i had the night before. argh. totally disguisting. hmm. why out of the sudden he appears in my dreams? well sometimes people and places we see in our dreams are mainly places and people you meet during the day and well they got induced into our minds. and well...i dont know what goes on after that.

speaking of dreams. the kind which you have when you sleep. is interesting but it can be helpful in ways i can think of. it sometimes serve as a warning to you. i myself have experience b4. it helped me be prepared for the worst and i could take the blow. but its irritating as it makes your imagination and desires for that particular person go wild!!!! it may sound silly but dreams DO NOT necessarily come true. sometimes it does. sometimes it doesnt. it depends really. but what you can do is PRAY. that's my weapon. =)

mE n more of Me and the PeePs in my Life :) :) :) :) 

the collection of pics with Lin...so glad that God has given me a friend like her. Hope that she continues to Grow in Faith and Love God with all her heart! miss ya! :D 

this is sooooooooo SWEET... lol *huggies* 

hee my beloved peeps. love ya all. you guys make a big part of my life.! :) 

oh Lord!! i need a revival in my life. i need you so much. Lord comfort me in this period of depression. hear my cry oh lord.


All I Want Is You
by Planet Shakers
Album
:
I’ve waited all my life to be here face to face.
I never knew that I could feel this kind of grace.
The way You show me that Your blood has washed me clean,
Could never be erased; it lives inside of me.

Take me to that secret place,
Where I can only see Your Face,
And nothing else will ever feel this way.
You take away my guilty stains,
The things I’ve done that I can’t change,
It’s only by the Power of Your name.

I stand here in this place,
See the Glory on Your Face,
Taken by the wonder of Your name.
I’m desperate for Your touch,
Never needed it so much,
Cause all I want is You.

When all the things around me have fallen to the ground
I’m always thankful for the love in You I’ve found.

Dead Poets Society.
its a show that keeps me going and helps me reminise with my past secondary life as a pure literature student. every single time this movie title brings me back vivid memories that seemed to be written so clearly in my mind like a novel. the good o' days with my US gang ( we arent exactly a gang. we hang out so much that we decided to get a name for ourselves. its called the Unanimous Sisters) =)

people may think that literature is dumb and boring. but you're so wrong okie. cause you wouldnt know what you have missed out in life and what's more its just practically something that u cant learn in taking science or maths subjects. if you're thinking why is this bitch bitching so much about lit? oh well u talk to the hand man! literature makes us more human and more in touch with our human instinct. it makes you ponder about things in life that's more inclined towards human nature. can science or maths do that? haha. *evil laugh* lost rite? that stop bickering about how arts students should feel more inferior cause we're taking lit. sheesh. GTH!!

--i'm depressed *argh* anxiety spanks.alternate headaches.cold spills.shivers.
badly need a breakthough in my life now! something to spice things up and just wan to get out of the hellhole i'm in right now. just isnt myself. sheesh.

somebody help!!!! [ someone out there .......... pray for me !!!!! .................................]

i hate shopping!! to me shopping is just like heaven and i'm on earth. looking at those nice clothes that's like super nice and trendy, i only can see and touch but with no chance of actually wearing them. each time visiting a boutique with friends is something i had to had to put up with and just pretend i'm browsing with no intention to buy. in actually fact i'm not interested in getting clothes. the pain of not able to get clothes your size is simply enbearable. i hate it! i always envy girls with really nice bods and they can carry anything off just splendid. it just looks so good on them and super disguisting on me. why am i so big-sized?

looking at those stuffs is just looking at something unreachable cause i know i will not have them. what's the use of buying something you cant even wear or maybe they dont even have your size?

i've taken to notice that guys would date girls or maybe interested in girls that are much slimmer than me. what's with me man? every single guy is like that. what crap about appearance that they wouldnt mind? IN ACTUAL FACT THEY DO OK! they feel that getting a good-looking gf can give them some form of superiority among their brothers. what do you think? a image contest? :(

i feel so crap about myself. there's nothing about me tat's special. no guys would bother looking at me. no matter how hard i try, i just feel like shit. on the surface i dont seem to be really bothered, inside i'm just hurt and upset. i mean just face it, every guy that i used to feel something for, always ended up liking girls that are much more slimmer than me.

i guess this sums up my conclusion. that i hate going out! =(

sometimes it seems so hard to be able to say truthfully that you've forgotten someone. for me well i did it but when it wears off, you'll be actually wondering if you've been lying to yourself? i'm sure i have REALLY let go of that feeling for 'Him' if not why am i doing so much just to clear things up and also i guess start anew again? for our friendship that was strained from the beginning.

the old say goes ' time will change everything' or ' let nature take its course' or ' God will provide and show you when time comes'. yes. heard that countless times and have been just abiding by it. what about those feelings that taunt you so much that you feel like its impossible to go on waiting? or say just forget about that someone you're trying so hard to? its not really a matter of forgetting that person when you have to face him. its more of that feeling that you wan to get rid of. it will just fade off after sometime when you're so preoccupied with work and other schoo stuffs but when you start to get into a daze, these starts to surface out?

sometimes i wonder God why everything has to be related to 'Him' somehow or rather. here i am trying really hard to just get on with my life and get other things going. it just doesnt seem to be helping. at times i wonder if God, you let 'Him' be involved in different situations and scenarios ( most things are related to him or he's around) . Is he really the one for me?

i'm not thinking. i'm not speaking. i'm even not going to feel anything. this has to go for now. like someone has told me. your youth is the best time to mix around and fellowship and get down to committment at such a young age. especially in church and stuffs. during your youth, make more friends and establish friendships rather then relationships. by mixing around, deeper bonds can be established and you got yourself friends! :)

oh well. i guess i'm fine just disturbed with alot of thoughts that are running in my head. guess i've to control myself AGAIN. since things are okay between me and 'Him', just let God be in this friendship and well yea let nature take its course in probably giving us the opportunity to know each other better? hopeful it does.

Celeste once told us at cell that God doesnt only provide the Only ONE to be your life partner. He gives you a group to choose from. that's just so amazing i guess :) cant wait for God to show my 'him' to me.

i just cant understand myself at times. really.on the surface everything seems fine and all but deep down its just another story. am i lying to myself again? on the serious note i've long forgotten about the letter i wrote to him ( well i didnt have the chance to give it to him yet cause i'm hesitant) . the prob is that there are 2 issues that are holding me back( also my exams so no time) .

1) his reaction to my letter and to me after the letter
i mean its like yea i feel i need to do something to resolve our misunderstandings but how to go about doing it. he might say " is there such a thing? i dont know!" i wouldnt want to be in that fix. i really dont know. Celeste did made a good point. what do i want to get out from it? what are my expectations? a restored friendship?
i definitely dont expect much but at least we can talk more? these days i'm feeling more awkward seeing him around so much. its not cause i still feel for him. no that's history already.i hope that i dont feel awkward. it just isnt right.

2) leaving the entire issue alone
that's exactly what's happening right now. i'm just in a dilemma. i dont know what to do. been praying about this for a really long time. i havent gotten my answer yet. maybe the answer is there is just that i dont see or pay attention to it. if that's really the case then i'll let things be what it is. having nothing to do with him is good but then again we've to work together for the camp and other areas. i really cant afford having to put myself in an emotional turmoil everytime. his body language totally turns me off and i just dont feel like talking to him anyway. besides on my part to start being 'nice' might rouse his suspicion if i did that. so yea keeping things this way may be better.

this dilemma is total crap. i can choose not to be bothered by it but i cant help it. i guess our present situation is summarised by this song by Keane ' We might as well be strangers'.
seriously that's not wat God wants of his children to be at odds with each other. oh well.

I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place, I'm looking for

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well...(3x)

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier, to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another town
We might as well...(2x)
We might as well be strangers! Be strangers
For all I know of you now.....(4x)

p.s Celeste..if u're reading this entry..maybe u can understand alittle better cuz i just dont know how to express myself verbally. *:)

weee! officially started by holidays today. its been great so far. went out till 12 plus yesterday. i wasnt tired but my tummy is so bloated that i cant sleep!! goodness! now i know NEVER to eat fast food after 12 am. it makes you rather hyper and yeah needless to say you cant sleep. slept at 4 am after a good sharing with jerrome online. well i'm quite sad cause i missed campus again. they have invited me numerous times but i turned down again and again. hopefully i can make it the next time!!

well the sharing with jerrome has been indeed enriching every single time. its like God's like speaking to me thru him. everytime i learn something new about God's amazing love for me and its just a whole new revelation revealed! its just really i dont know how to describe me definitely a COOL feeling! *:)

these days i'm losing my temper more easily. i dont like that change in me. i detest that! :( maybe in other areas i'm more relaxed and leaving to God to provide. esp for 'him' i have learnt to accept how things are between us. probably its simply we have nothing to talk about and keeping quiet would be the best way to avoid any unecessary misunderstandings again. oh yea for lance. he's found someone new. oh well i was alittle sad but now i'm happy for him :) at least he's more ok these days..hehe

i cant wait for the camp to come!!! lolx :)

alrighty ending my blog with another song again.. as usual


Artist:
Cool Hand Luke
Album:
The Fires Of Life
Song:
Cinematic

The other night I had a dream
It unfolded to the silver screen
A tragic fire, some tears were shed
I woke to find our hero dead
And wonder, ”What if this was me?”
If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending
I want to live in such a way
That when I’m gone my friends would say
That if my life was turned to film
I’d be standing on a mountain shouting victory in the end
But in my heart I know it’s only true
If I’m supporting actor and the Oscar goes to You
If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending
I don’t want to let You down
I want to make you proud
If anyone is watching me
I want to make it count for something
What if it ended here?
What if the credits rolled now?
What would the critics say?
Would it be the biggest let down?
If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending

lovely song. :)

weeeee! blog time. i'm feeling so much better today. oh well i guess JC has its toll on my length of vocab intellect. more F**king stuff are coming. oh i promise my friend not to use it anymore, its not very lady-like. God's pretty amazing. yesterday He sent me an angel to calm me down cause i was so angry that i was practically F-this and F-that. yeah it was bad! He sent some guy friend whom i know recently and yeah he just spoke to me. initially i was hoping to talk to Celeste but she's busy with other stuffs. still God knew i needed someone to talk and yeah. He sent 'him'! =) oh it wasnt exactly nice alrite. i had to put up with his nonsense and stuff. he was practically picking on me and pulling my leg so much that i tot he's SUPER irritating. ( ps if Tin know who i'm talking about..hush abt it kaes? thanks :X)
but its not too bad at the end. we had a good chat and i'm so relieved of other issues bothering me. i SLEPT like a baby later around 3 plus close to 4 when i'm supposed to be in school at 1pm. heh! *:)
FINALLY PW is OVER!! *throws confetti!* all the endless months of hardwork, time and effort has finally paid off. i'm not touching it ever again. oh well now left with A level Chinese. i better get down to work soon if not i'll be in hot soup. all my parents wanted me was to just pass my chinese with a C6. being alittle more ambitious, i wanna a B! ok maybe i'm not really that realistic cause i havent really start revision. heh! my B is so far from getting reached. *:(

anyways here's a song that me and Angela(pw leader cum classmate cum mad pal) LOVES!!

Earth Wind & Fire - September Lyrics
Maurice white, charles stepney & verdine white

Do you remember the 21st night of september?
Love was changing the minds of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away
Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing.
As we danced in the night,
Remember how the stars stole the night away

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in september
Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day

My thoughts are with you
Holding hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love,
Remember how we knew love was here to stay

Now december found the love that we shared in september.
Only blue talk and love,
Remember the true love we share today

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in september
Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in september
Ba de ya - golden dreams were shiny days

heh! lovely song! disco rocks! *:)

what a freaking day it has been! everything has to go so wrong that my whole bloody time was wasted in school doing work that has been penalised..fuck u man freaking bastard!!! u can stupidly tell the assessors that u dont know the answers!!! u're worse than a mental patient..tat's the most common sensical question alright!!!! u can just blabber some stuffs abt the schools that have the IP programme..stupid retard..FUCK YOU man!!!! arghh....