friday's cg mark another milestone in my walk and a new start for my restoration that has had already started.
well it really took alot of courage and the knowledge of Daddy God's love to really move me to take the bold step of faith to attend cg without yp. i seriously know how much i'm relying on her and everything else, yet i know this fellowship was really meant for me, somewhat i felt. The topic that gibs addressed and the whole entire session just moved and stirred loads of memories and thoughts in my mind. i had alot of flashbacks just sitting at one corner. when pam and clara played the guitars, images were playing in my mind, it was the time i played guitar for GB and also for chapel during upper sec years in GM. it just meant so much because i remember whenever i felt down and out, i will always have my guitar on hand and just play pieces as the spirit flows. it was just refreshing playing and worshipping God during those vulnerable moments. but all these came to nothingness as i entered ministry in my previous church, i felt it was a chore to play for service and not only that, i did receive promptings that maybe this is not my area of service. in fact, i felt i may have entered ministry for the wrong reasons but surely i knew i was really passionate about using my talents to serve Him yet i failed terribly. it might be triggered by the whole idea of acceptance. looking back, im thankful whatever happened then, it was something that i learnt. To be conscious of God and what the spirit prompts about. the idea of loneliness did speak to me because i was a victim of it ( maybe at times) then again, depression and suicide - im glad that i didnt had the guts to do whatever self-mutiltation or whatever shit it was and thank god for friends who love me to talk me out of it. my suicidal tendencies a couple of years back was really bad and the root of it, condemnation and stress. im glad those days are over, i was literally nothing, i was just a piece of flesh which is contamintated and all that. i felt God was really far away and all that. now that im in Christ, treasured and loved, nothing shall bar me from getting all the blessings and grace that has been given by Him. all these qualified me for greater blessings ( i wished i knew these earlier, but it isnt late at all cause i've gotten the revelation!!!!hahhaas) just felt pretty nostagic the entire week. truely i missed those days, playing for chapel and GB. it was the very first places that i wanted Christ to be made know and i wanted people to be influenced by how beautiful this friend of mine is ( He is and always will be - amen)
it was a lovely session for me personally. God and I were having a great time, remisincing the past together. from the worship to the sharings and the message itself, truely God has been with me through it all. i mean it, literally everything. these few years ( since i moved out of my old place till now) i battled all sorts of trials and temptations especially depression yet Daddy God scoop me from my feet and just carried me all these while. its so so so lovely. it just makes me feel so loved by you.
on the side note, im really sure of something now. its definitely not him. the spirit in me just confirms this fact. the feeling didnt last or rather, it was just all fluff and confusion. it actually faded before i even know. although he sat beside me during cg, i felt nothing ( probably God's presence that took my attention away - ok that is confirmed hahhas.) and i just ended up with more conclusions that he aint the one i should give my that attention too. somehow what was even interesting was the other stuffs that gibs shared and discussed about - he told the girls to guard your heart- sounds like something i've been trying to do for a long time. i realised that when i choose not to care and place this at the feet of Jesus, everything just flows and it wasnt hard cause there are other things more attractive than the guy now. well, the time and season. when it comes, it comes and then, i will entertain such thoughts or whatever things.
i really enjoyed myself. like seriously.
yp missed out on a really good session of cg.
lol.
sigh. when will i ever be spared of curfews?
its cause imma girl. i understand where daddy'c concern come from but its just exaggerating! im old enough. does that mean that i must have 'a companion' from cg then, im allowed to stay out late? sheesh. now im not making any sense.
hahhahas!
drowning in delirium. XD
well it really took alot of courage and the knowledge of Daddy God's love to really move me to take the bold step of faith to attend cg without yp. i seriously know how much i'm relying on her and everything else, yet i know this fellowship was really meant for me, somewhat i felt. The topic that gibs addressed and the whole entire session just moved and stirred loads of memories and thoughts in my mind. i had alot of flashbacks just sitting at one corner. when pam and clara played the guitars, images were playing in my mind, it was the time i played guitar for GB and also for chapel during upper sec years in GM. it just meant so much because i remember whenever i felt down and out, i will always have my guitar on hand and just play pieces as the spirit flows. it was just refreshing playing and worshipping God during those vulnerable moments. but all these came to nothingness as i entered ministry in my previous church, i felt it was a chore to play for service and not only that, i did receive promptings that maybe this is not my area of service. in fact, i felt i may have entered ministry for the wrong reasons but surely i knew i was really passionate about using my talents to serve Him yet i failed terribly. it might be triggered by the whole idea of acceptance. looking back, im thankful whatever happened then, it was something that i learnt. To be conscious of God and what the spirit prompts about. the idea of loneliness did speak to me because i was a victim of it ( maybe at times) then again, depression and suicide - im glad that i didnt had the guts to do whatever self-mutiltation or whatever shit it was and thank god for friends who love me to talk me out of it. my suicidal tendencies a couple of years back was really bad and the root of it, condemnation and stress. im glad those days are over, i was literally nothing, i was just a piece of flesh which is contamintated and all that. i felt God was really far away and all that. now that im in Christ, treasured and loved, nothing shall bar me from getting all the blessings and grace that has been given by Him. all these qualified me for greater blessings ( i wished i knew these earlier, but it isnt late at all cause i've gotten the revelation!!!!hahhaas) just felt pretty nostagic the entire week. truely i missed those days, playing for chapel and GB. it was the very first places that i wanted Christ to be made know and i wanted people to be influenced by how beautiful this friend of mine is ( He is and always will be - amen)
it was a lovely session for me personally. God and I were having a great time, remisincing the past together. from the worship to the sharings and the message itself, truely God has been with me through it all. i mean it, literally everything. these few years ( since i moved out of my old place till now) i battled all sorts of trials and temptations especially depression yet Daddy God scoop me from my feet and just carried me all these while. its so so so lovely. it just makes me feel so loved by you.
on the side note, im really sure of something now. its definitely not him. the spirit in me just confirms this fact. the feeling didnt last or rather, it was just all fluff and confusion. it actually faded before i even know. although he sat beside me during cg, i felt nothing ( probably God's presence that took my attention away - ok that is confirmed hahhas.) and i just ended up with more conclusions that he aint the one i should give my that attention too. somehow what was even interesting was the other stuffs that gibs shared and discussed about - he told the girls to guard your heart- sounds like something i've been trying to do for a long time. i realised that when i choose not to care and place this at the feet of Jesus, everything just flows and it wasnt hard cause there are other things more attractive than the guy now. well, the time and season. when it comes, it comes and then, i will entertain such thoughts or whatever things.
i really enjoyed myself. like seriously.
yp missed out on a really good session of cg.
lol.
sigh. when will i ever be spared of curfews?
its cause imma girl. i understand where daddy'c concern come from but its just exaggerating! im old enough. does that mean that i must have 'a companion' from cg then, im allowed to stay out late? sheesh. now im not making any sense.
hahhahas!
drowning in delirium. XD
Priscilla rejoices in this foolishness. 12:58 AM
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