been very busy lately. work piled up. counting down to the start of the prelims. anxiety and panic is always on my mind. fatigue kicks in and leaves you helpless and you waste your night away sleeping. been going online lesser and lesser. the one reason i thought that gave me the urge to be online has ceased to exist for sometime. i thought that purpose for going online for that one reason is silly and well now, i'm generally upset with that issue. i mean some stuffs related to it. i kept questioning myself the point for being upset. i realised that i had absolutely no reason to be upset.

lots happened these weeks. tests after tests, i'm getting more demoralised rather than getting any form of encouragement. school has been dreadful and i'm just going for the sake of not missing important lessons since it is revision period now. i really feel like giving up, just abiding to what my body wants and not my heart, mind and soul. truly, right now, my mind is in a whirlpool mentality. its like i'm trying so hard to understand and get things right, it seems like all efforts put in is just insufficient to help me. i feel so helpless during some tutorials where i know my stuffs but i just cant concentrate or either i am completely clueless. i cant afford to be clueless right now!!! its only 3 weeks to prelims and yet i'm being clueless. i sure do deserve a slap or a bashing to wake that sleepy being in me, who's controlling me.

man. i desperately need a time out. it may not seem so on the surface but deep inside me, i really need a break. my definition of a good break meant that i have no worries, stress and anything that will keep me from my ultimate relaxation. oh well, i'm getting all disillusioned here.

whatever. just wish there's a hole that i can fall right in and not re-surface OR a helping hand which will pull me out of this danger waters.

[havent had good fun for sometime.] sigh.