School's starting in less than 2 days time. i'm seriously not looking forward to it. i feel like giving up right now. i dont even know what is my purpose for working so hard. to make it to university and study something i want? haha.
perhaps its the time of the month again and i dont know what's up with my emotions. hopefully that's the reason why. had so much thoughts about myself, friends, my life. i wonder if it was a mistake. it definitely wasnt cause my parents hoped and prayed so hard for my coming. they had me after 2 miscarriages. i MEANT alot to them.
i know they are worried for me, my life, my well-being. sometimes i just couldnt take myself being so naive about issues and life itself, thinking that by being lazy or simply self-centred, things will go round.
i'm dwelling on the past again. i'm still hurt.
no one will really understand how much i've been through these 3 plus years. even my best friends only have a simple idea but the real me, its covered by my facade. i really miss my old life. i really want it back. having a small garden of your own, the tranquility of my old home and the environment were things i treasured the most. although my family was better-off then, we're slowly recovering and growing but I HATE THE LIFE NOW.
my family's changed. i cant take the way it is now. i think we are more unhappy than happy. i dont feel happy. the things we used to do like having bible study and prayer session as a family, i missed it alot. where's it now? i WANT IT BACK!!!
frankly speaking, asking someone that has 4 or more failed attempts at liking people to be confident and not feel bad about herself? DREAM ON! no matter how much i would like someone, its still the same. worse off knowing that he's with someone close to you. it makes you feel like shit. that shit feeling, who will really know how it feels like? dont give me crap saying that you know how it feels or tell me off saying why am i like that. go try it yourself cause you arent helping.
i dont want to say anymore things. i'm just too tired to go on.
perhaps its the time of the month again and i dont know what's up with my emotions. hopefully that's the reason why. had so much thoughts about myself, friends, my life. i wonder if it was a mistake. it definitely wasnt cause my parents hoped and prayed so hard for my coming. they had me after 2 miscarriages. i MEANT alot to them.
i know they are worried for me, my life, my well-being. sometimes i just couldnt take myself being so naive about issues and life itself, thinking that by being lazy or simply self-centred, things will go round.
i'm dwelling on the past again. i'm still hurt.
no one will really understand how much i've been through these 3 plus years. even my best friends only have a simple idea but the real me, its covered by my facade. i really miss my old life. i really want it back. having a small garden of your own, the tranquility of my old home and the environment were things i treasured the most. although my family was better-off then, we're slowly recovering and growing but I HATE THE LIFE NOW.
my family's changed. i cant take the way it is now. i think we are more unhappy than happy. i dont feel happy. the things we used to do like having bible study and prayer session as a family, i missed it alot. where's it now? i WANT IT BACK!!!
frankly speaking, asking someone that has 4 or more failed attempts at liking people to be confident and not feel bad about herself? DREAM ON! no matter how much i would like someone, its still the same. worse off knowing that he's with someone close to you. it makes you feel like shit. that shit feeling, who will really know how it feels like? dont give me crap saying that you know how it feels or tell me off saying why am i like that. go try it yourself cause you arent helping.
i dont want to say anymore things. i'm just too tired to go on.
Priscilla rejoices in this foolishness. 9:00 PM
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