under smiles and giggles there's always something more. i know this scenario too well. it seems like history is repeating itself again. just this feeling that i've been thru it and the outcome was bad. is it what it seems to be going to happen again? i hope not. i'm nervous and okay afraid. who isnt? i managed to come out of the hole and now i'm slipped right back in. no way i'm letting it happen. its too much for me to handle. =/
the underlying truth is - i wont admit to anything cause it isnt true. i dont feel that way. its not a change of heart. i need time to deal with my own problems and it hasnt been easy. there has been a couple of relapses( like illness) and it was only God who can help me. perhaps if my relationship with God is solid, no guy would have such an impact. besides the very last guy whom i'm really into, he's somewhat someone i would guess is dear to me even now when i no longer feel the same. yeah. haha. men. men. such headaches. =P

yeepee! found the lyrics of the song by altered frequency- running back to you =))

How could I walk away,

From all I once knew,

Promises I held on to,

Who am i kidding?

Who am I fooling?

And to think I can live like this?

Can't keep on running away from You,

Can't go on living this lie I'm in,

Letting it all go and I'm turning around,

I hear You calling me so I'm running back to You

An angel by day, A devil by night,

Don't know who I am anymore

So very confused, And so conflicted, I just can't take this anymore.

' i tRy fOr hApPiNesS iN thE midSt oF aLl thiS eMptiNess.'