i havent been blogging for sometime. damn the bloody internet!! haha. it definitely feels good to be able to enter my entries now. alot has happened these days and i badly need somewhere or someone whom i can turn to. sometimes i wish that i have a place that i can burrow a hole and just stay there, enjoying the solitude that i badly want. at times i really wish i have a place to run to, run away from my troubles, just running away from hurts and tears. thoughts of death did hit me but its just only a silly thing cause i'll never do such a thing even if i'm hit with the worse storm in my life. it just isnt a way to deal with reality. by keeping this blog is already a form of utopia for me. a space for me to express my thoughts and my innerself that not many will be able understand when i'm standing physically in front of them. i'm just so hurt inside me that tears just wouldnt really express much of my sorrow and hurt. i guess its just a part of life i have to go through and i hope that it will be over soon. althought things may not go my way but i'm always reminded that i have someone to turn to whenever i needed Him. celeste shared with me that God will never give me something that i cant handle and i guess he truly knows that i'm able to pull through the entire issue. i must have faith in myself. sadness does overthrow your attention but you mustnt let that bug you.
been so distracted this days that i kept staring into space more, becoming more quiet and trapped in my world of thoughts. probably its a good thing cause i havent had the time to really sit down to think about alot of things happening in my life right now. its kinda like a form of utopia for me being somewhere that i can truly be myself and yet be happy although i may seem quiet. sometimes running away is good. it does do you some good. these days have been thinking about alot of stuffs. i expressed my fear. my fear of feeling something for guys i used to admire. i dont know what's with me, having soft spots for guys of my past. probably its some stuffs they did that really touched me? i dont know.
he's been popping up in my mind numerous times and i too, expressed my fear of feeling for him again. now that we're okie now. i dont want to ruin anything cause its just too painful to go through it again. the hurt and jealousy aroused then, isnt something i want or rather its not pleasing to god. sometimes i wonder if we were meant to be but that's just a silly thought as usual. i hope that this wouldnt distract me further as time's running out for me. exams are coming and it isnt something that its nice to play around with. actually sometimes i feel that my days on earth are numbered. i feel that my body is cracking up and its sending me alot of signals. i wonder if i'm sick or dying. i'm not scared. just wondered if really my thoughts were true. it better not . i'm still young and i've alot of unfinished work that i want to do for god and also myself.
usually i'll like to end my entry with a song but just couldnt think of a song to summarise my feelings and thought. i guess probably nothing's quite impossible. somehow i guess this song does sings of how i feel for that someone that i've been longing to meet and really love him for who he is and he loving me for who i am. both of us loving each other and also loving our lovely heavenly daddy together. wouldnt that be perfect? yes. it will be. =]
Artist: 3 Doors Down
Album: Away From The Sun
A hundred days had made me older Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight it’s only you and me
The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go It gets hard but it won’t take away my love And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done it get hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it’s only you and me
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams But tonight girl it’s only you and me
Priscilla rejoices in this foolishness. 9:06 PM
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