HEY there.

moved to : http://feelyourlovesembrace.blogspot.com

See YA!

that same old mode is back again...
it feels strange to feel it, knocking at your conscience, knowing that all that you felt is utter nonsensical to a limit that you dont fathom as well.

as far as it is known, i dont welcome it.
it may be insecurities playing out on me
to be plainfully honest, i just am reluctant to be involved in any way possible.

speaking of which, even the little of little or minor of minor-est,
i am unwilling. not even crushes.
what's normal, is abnormal to me.

hate to admit that it's a tendancy that i, as a female do unconsciously fall in.
i think it is just lousy excuses one comes up with to 'fall-in-the-game-of-love'.
like i told myself or rather to emotions,
"Spare me pains of Joy"
Ironic? yeah, that's the painful truth.
i am so not interested in the game anymore.
happy as i am in the present state, free-willed in spirit and person.
not tied down with ridiculous sacrifices.

one may boo me at the lack of "Love" in my life.
i guess the love of my life is just different and it requires me to just enjoy and soak in his love.
it's just tons better than seeing selfishness at play, most of the time.

i dont know what to expect but just scared.
scared that i foolishly gave my heart away and empty-handed i return.
been tons of time foolishly and hopelessly wishing the impossible.
HAHAHAHAHAHA

never.never.never.







why of all times, all things have to remind me of you?
go away, disappear if you must.
i dont need you to tell me what i must hear.
im not reminiscing the past, yet it seeps into my head.
everything about you, the things you said, the things we did.
why? just why? why did i even be involved, in the whole game itself?
a question i've asked myself, tons of times.
each time in vain, i never have the answer.
friends we WERE, i cant say much now.
im such a badie, a really ARSE in your eyes.
to much to little, was the reason why everything crumbled.
we never started out well,
our friendship was tainted cause i fell for you.
it only happened cause it seemed reciprocated.
you can deceive yourself but you cant do that to me.
why must you hurt me so bad?
i maybe an over-reactor to such things but you cant blame me.
im created as such.
that's the painful truth.
i dont know why i still think of you from time to time.
cause alot of things that happened, i cant forget you.
even our friendship, i dont really think i can ever let go.
so much has been invested in it and this is how i get.
whatever you're going through now, i've been through it similarly.
it is just i never wanted you to worry.
now that im doing my bit, im being chided.
sigh. what has happened?
God knows.
seriously i give up.
giving you up totally.
each time i think of you, tears well up in my eyes.
it was never meant to be this way.
it hurts, really.
you will never know how much hurt you have gave me.

hey guys, i've decided not to blog here for sometime cause of my faulty tagboard and the desire to revamp the entire blog since its first beginnings. i acknowledge the lack of posts for my friends who uses this to know of my updates. rest assured, im well. :)

till then, take care. myhopeisu.blogspot.com will be back really soon. !!

Love, Prisc

"I try for happiness in the midst of all this emptiness."


now there, maybe it is ironic to keep my blog title when that phrase.
that phrase has been with me for a really long time and it has sorta became a representative of my words or rather the way i've portrayed myself to be. literally, seeking happiness yet feeling empty, lost and desolute all together at the same time. hahhaas. those funny, crap-filled days are long gone and what's left are all the funny and not-so-wanting-to-remember memories which only served as amusement of my own persue.

just soaking every inch of gladness that rains down in my life and someone's just rocking my socks off. yepp. outrageous? yes! im feeling super outrageous and i aint any care of the world cause im just so so so so loved. hyped? yes! just feeling out-of-this-world and just being really merry and all that. hahaha. yea? i've gone mad? probably. just madly and unmeritedly and unconditionally loved and treasured by You. :)

weeee~ just wanna stand up and shout that im the beloved child of God!!
chucking my past behind and beneath the soles of my feet, its a brand new day again! Love will make you beautiful - indeed, i've morphed into someone who's bursting with life, giggles and laughter. yup! good metamorphsis. i think i've come close to being a butterfly? maybe a fat bumble bee. okay. that's kinda far out, comparing myself to insects.

just being nonsensical at the moment.
however the real deal, i've found the reason for happiness.
the reason is You! the Lord of my Life!!

:)

I miss you all........ *sobs*

although these weeks have been trying, the key to my enjoyment in Life ( be it studies, school and everything else) : Jesus.

It's comforting to know, whatever happens Daddy God is always there and He resides in our hearts. One of my cg brothers Daryl was sharing with me yesterday and he reminded me that for us, the beloved prince and princess of Christ are blessed wherever we are, be it anywhere. What more, people around us will be impacted because of what Christ is like in our lives. I suppose that is what I can do to overcome that annoying pest in class, just let God deal with it.
Each day, new revelations are unfolding in front of my eyes and its just cool beyond words. How bad things may be, I know that the good that is promised by God will be given.

School's been great I suppose, the lectures and tutorials are getting more and more interesting. The degree somewhat may lead me to question things abt my faith but nonetheless, the Truth in His Word. There my strength and wisdom lies. Nothing will bring me down cause I've the maker of the Universe as my Father! hahhaas.

This Song just touches me each time I listen to it. The words jumps out at me and remembering the issues that Ps Prince shared. Daddy God is really so so so good. Reminds me of a song I used to sing in primary school " God, You're So Good" . Man, my walk with God is simply nostagic. Many times. Nostagic because the revelation of His Love for me is seen in another dimension. Now I understand what it means the personal relationship or walk with Him. And the level of intimacy He knows each of our every need and most of all, He knows you inside out. How's that? Cool right? hahahs. The Song!!


Deeper
by Hillsong United
album: Look To You (2005)

Light to men
Love of God
Healing for the wounded heart
Like a child quiet my soul
Hear Your voice surround me Lord

Jesus, hold me into Your heart
Into Your heart
Lord my soul delights
And I know You hear my prayer
Take me deeper Lord

Glorious Son to You I shall bow
Bow my knee, bow my will
Cherished by the strong and the weak
Humble hearts shall hear You speak
And by Your love Lord You opened my heart
Now Your light will shine always
By Your Word Lord Your promise secure
And my soul will live always
Take me deeper Lord

friday's cg mark another milestone in my walk and a new start for my restoration that has had already started.
well it really took alot of courage and the knowledge of Daddy God's love to really move me to take the bold step of faith to attend cg without yp. i seriously know how much i'm relying on her and everything else, yet i know this fellowship was really meant for me, somewhat i felt. The topic that gibs addressed and the whole entire session just moved and stirred loads of memories and thoughts in my mind. i had alot of flashbacks just sitting at one corner. when pam and clara played the guitars, images were playing in my mind, it was the time i played guitar for GB and also for chapel during upper sec years in GM. it just meant so much because i remember whenever i felt down and out, i will always have my guitar on hand and just play pieces as the spirit flows. it was just refreshing playing and worshipping God during those vulnerable moments. but all these came to nothingness as i entered ministry in my previous church, i felt it was a chore to play for service and not only that, i did receive promptings that maybe this is not my area of service. in fact, i felt i may have entered ministry for the wrong reasons but surely i knew i was really passionate about using my talents to serve Him yet i failed terribly. it might be triggered by the whole idea of acceptance. looking back, im thankful whatever happened then, it was something that i learnt. To be conscious of God and what the spirit prompts about. the idea of loneliness did speak to me because i was a victim of it ( maybe at times) then again, depression and suicide - im glad that i didnt had the guts to do whatever self-mutiltation or whatever shit it was and thank god for friends who love me to talk me out of it. my suicidal tendencies a couple of years back was really bad and the root of it, condemnation and stress. im glad those days are over, i was literally nothing, i was just a piece of flesh which is contamintated and all that. i felt God was really far away and all that. now that im in Christ, treasured and loved, nothing shall bar me from getting all the blessings and grace that has been given by Him. all these qualified me for greater blessings ( i wished i knew these earlier, but it isnt late at all cause i've gotten the revelation!!!!hahhaas) just felt pretty nostagic the entire week. truely i missed those days, playing for chapel and GB. it was the very first places that i wanted Christ to be made know and i wanted people to be influenced by how beautiful this friend of mine is ( He is and always will be - amen)

it was a lovely session for me personally. God and I were having a great time, remisincing the past together. from the worship to the sharings and the message itself, truely God has been with me through it all. i mean it, literally everything. these few years ( since i moved out of my old place till now) i battled all sorts of trials and temptations especially depression yet Daddy God scoop me from my feet and just carried me all these while. its so so so lovely. it just makes me feel so loved by you.

on the side note, im really sure of something now. its definitely not him. the spirit in me just confirms this fact. the feeling didnt last or rather, it was just all fluff and confusion. it actually faded before i even know. although he sat beside me during cg, i felt nothing ( probably God's presence that took my attention away - ok that is confirmed hahhas.) and i just ended up with more conclusions that he aint the one i should give my that attention too. somehow what was even interesting was the other stuffs that gibs shared and discussed about - he told the girls to guard your heart- sounds like something i've been trying to do for a long time. i realised that when i choose not to care and place this at the feet of Jesus, everything just flows and it wasnt hard cause there are other things more attractive than the guy now. well, the time and season. when it comes, it comes and then, i will entertain such thoughts or whatever things.

i really enjoyed myself. like seriously.
yp missed out on a really good session of cg.
lol.

sigh. when will i ever be spared of curfews?
its cause imma girl. i understand where daddy'c concern come from but its just exaggerating! im old enough. does that mean that i must have 'a companion' from cg then, im allowed to stay out late? sheesh. now im not making any sense.



hahhahas!
drowning in delirium. XD